In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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