I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
