At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
