I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
