dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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