i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
