i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
