Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
