Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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