I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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