dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
