the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
