we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
