No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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