it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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