oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
