then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
