You can't motorboat a personality
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
