Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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