and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
