That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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