i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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