In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
