Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
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