Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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