I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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