Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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