good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize