plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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