i think my tv is drunk
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
