Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
