Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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