Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize