I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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