Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
