Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
