so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
