I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
