He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
