some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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