fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
