I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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