Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
