We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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