I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
only if we run a train.
done.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
