in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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