sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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