I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
