I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
