Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
