I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
