Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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