Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
