I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize