he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
