Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
