i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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