we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
