This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Randomize
