1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
