ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
