the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Text me some of your sweat
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize