May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
